Bridgeman and the Wintergreen
Chapter 6
Bridgeman and the Wintergreen
Early 80s
Most weekends, if my friends and i were not going to any bike rally’s or parties or possibly not meeting up at the Plough Pub, not going to the plough would have been a rare event, i think we almost lived in the plough for a number of years, Myself, Wobble and Bridgeman would walk down into Bridgend town do the rounds of whatever pubs took our fancy, we would basically have a small pub crawl around the pub’s in the center of town, and then at the end of the night we would walk the 2-3 miles back to wobble’s house in Brackla, this is where wobble was now living, he had bought a house in the middle of the new estate that was being built on the outskirts of Bridgend, he gave up the flat on Nolton street.
When we were ready to call it a night after spending a few hours drinking, we would leave Bridgend town early enough to catch a last pint of the night at a pub in Brackla which was on our route back to wobble house and only about half a mile walking distance from where he lived, there we would have a last pint or two in the Two Brewers Pub before the landlord called time and threw us out, and then we would finish off the night in wobbles house drinking his home brew.
On most Friday nights, i would ride down from the Garw valley and stop the night in wobbles house, kipping on his settee or floor, i had done this so often i left a sleeping bag in his house which i used to stay warm in the night, i did this mainly because Wobble never switched his heating on, i would be far to drunk to ride home, Normally i would park my Z-1000 outside wobbles house and leave it all night on the road
( Photo 1 ) . Wobbles house in Brackla with my kwaka 1000 parked up outside, my bike is on the far left.
Bridgeman would normally turn up at the house well before i would arrive, i would go home from work change from my work clothes into my going to town clothes, all this really was just clean jeans and a clean shirt and i did this because they would not let us in to the pubs if we wore our normal bike gear of dirty patched jeans and cut-offs. just wearing a leather bike jacket was an issue in some pubs, i didn't like dressing to suit other people, but the only option was an alcohol free weekend, we would have had no chance getting served otherwise, once we were all there and ready to go at Wobbles house, we would then walk down into Bridgend town using all the shortcuts though the estate and then hit every pub we passed on the way to the center of town.
We always walked back from town at the end of the night, Wobble house was around three miles or so from Bridgend town center and this exercise would give us a second wind, mainly because of a brisk walk back in the cold night air, at the end of the night myself and wobble would normally still be wide awake, we would listen to music or watch a comedy show called Bottom which stared Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondson and slowly drink his home brew.
But it was different for Bridgeman, he would always fell asleep in one of the chairs in the living room, it didn’t matter how much noise was created by us talking or singing along to the records that were playing on the HIFI stereo or even how loud the music was playing, we always laughed out-load at the antics that the two comedy actors on Bottom got up too on the show, classic TV even back then, Bridgeman would always fall asleep, and not wake up through it all, this was never a problem unless Bridgman started snoring.
Well, there is this Ointment called WINTER GREEN, it is very much like VIC rub, winter green and is very green in colour.
It is used as a remedy for sore muscles, the ointment is rubbed externally onto sore muscles and joints after a hard workout and there was a tin of this ointment on the window shelf in the living room.
So, we had an idea to play a trick on him while he was asleep.
Just to explain why we called him just Bridgeman, the reason is mainly because there were so may people in our circle of friends called Steve, that people ended up having nicknames because of the confusion it caused when you referred to someone called Steve, Bridgeman’s full name is Steve Bridgeman and wobbles name is Steve Jones and that just two steve`s.
( Photo 2 ) . Winter Green Ointment, in a nice handy round tin and just to make my actions justified it says ( RUB IT IN ) in large letters on the front of the tin.
So on this night when we arrived back at Wobble house, we settled down like we normally did, pouring some home brew, switching the HIFI on to listen to some music and Bridgeman falling asleep like he normally did.
We were back around half an hour and Bridgeman as normal fell fast asleep on the settee which is something he would do on a regular basis, ok, that`s fine until he started snoring.
Wobbles house was only a small house with two rooms downstairs which consisted of a living room at the front of the house with one large window and a kitchen at the rear with a door leading to a small garden and a small window over the sink area looking over the garden, there were two bed rooms and a bathroom upstairs.
Once you put in a settee and a chair in the living with the addition of the old type of tubed CRT TV in the room, there was very little space for anything else, you had to walk around them if you wanted to go to the kitchen, there was no room for even a small coffee table, so you can imagine it was quite cramped and you had to negotiate yourself around the room to go into the kitchen or up to the bathroom.
Bridgeman was on the settee leaning on the end of one of the arms, it did not take him long before he was fast asleep and snoring very loudly, he was kind of leaning over the edge of the settee’s arm with his arms danging down to the floor almost touching the carpet.
Myself and Wobble were still drinking and listening to the music, I remember ( PINK FLOYD`S, DARK SIDE OF THE MOON LP ) was playing on the record player.
This stereo was a little different to the average standard HIFI`s, it was designed to be fitted vertical onto a wall like a picture frame, which was a very novel and unusual piece of kit at the time.
Wobble and i Were just chatting and chilling to the music and getting constantly interrupted by Bridgeman snoring so loudly.
I leaned over to Bridgeman and shouted ” For fuck’s sake Bridgeman, shut the fuck up “.
I got up off my chair and placed my hand on his shoulder and just shook him a little, doing this kind of thing did work sometimes, he moved a little in his deep sleep, not even being shouted at or pulled about could wake him, he was snoring loader then the music.
He shifted his position on the settee and stopped snoring, and as soon as he settled down in a different position, he started to snore once more, even louder this time.
By this time, we had enough of this rhythmic interference, and we decided to teach him a lesson, it was not him falling asleep while there was company in the room that bothered us, it was his incessant snoring that made us decided to use whatever means we had at hand to end the constant annoying noise, you have to understand this was not the first time his snoring interrupted everyone's chill time, so we justified our actions because of the constant ongoing annoyance.
A tub of WINTER GREEN was sitting on the windowsill in the living room, the winter green belonged to Bridgeman, the Ointment has a very strong smelling odour, it could even be described as over powering, once you opened the tin you could find it in a dark room with no lighting the odour was so strong.
( Photo 3 ) . Bridgeman trying to look cool at one of the bike rally’s.
I opened the round tin and I removed a large lump of green ointment from the tub with my index finger and rubbed some of it under Bridgeman’s nose, hoping the strong smell of the ointment would wake him up enough to stop him snoring.
A few seconds past, wobble and I watched in anticipation of what would happen next, i said to wobble ” that should wake him up a little and stop him snoring “, he was in a deep sleep and only stirred enough to change his position again, so i added a little more of the strong smelling gel, as soon as i smeared the remainder of the ointment on his upper lip Bridgeman started to stir a little more, the ointment was doing it’s job, the vapors of the ointment finding their way up into his nose cavity.
He woke up suddenly and then half asleep he automatically rubbed his nose and said in a half awake tone ” WHAT'S THAT “ and then promptly rubbed the ointment in to his eyes, not realizing what had woken him up, by this time myself and wobble where crying with laughter, it was funny watching him struggle to understand what was happening to him in his half awake state.
Bridgeman was yelling now, panic had set in “ I Can't SEE, I Can't SEE, MY EYES ARE BURNING “ which made us laugh even more.
He attempted to remove the burning ointment form his eyes with his hands, this action only made the situation worse, He continued to rubbed it into his eyes, pressing even more of the ointment into them, he had no idea what was happening.
( Photo 4 ). Wobble with his fancy vertical record player on the wall next to the door that leads to the kitchen.
Bridgeman tried to get up off the settee and turned in the direction of where he thought the kitchen was, he had no idea of his position in the room and in his panicked state he was not thinking logically, he raised himself out of the position he was sitting in and stumbled over the arm of the settee and fell against the room wall knocking some books off a wall shelf and in doing so also knocking a couple of crash helmets over which landed on top of him, he then got up off the floor and fell over a chair i was sitting on, no doubt following the laughter in the room because there was absolutely no way he could see where he was going, he fell back down on to the floor, now he was on his hands and knees not knowing where he was or what had happened to him and had no idea where the kitchen was.
He did know for sure that he needed to get some water into his burning eyes, he got up with his arms out stretched like one of the undead out a zombie film, he headed towards the kitchen, hoping he could find the door and to wash the ointment out of his eyes.
He managed to find to the doorway, feeling his way around the walls knocking things over as he went, still calling out “ I Can't SEE “ and “ what the fuck is happening “.
We were now laughing so hard we were crying, and we were in no position to help him because we were laughing so much, not that we made any effort too, he managed to find the kitchen by feeling and stumbling through the doorway.
We could hear him bumping into things in the kitchen and knocking them on to the floor, he was making a hell of a noise with cups, pots, pans and cutlery being knocked all over the room.
He was still shouting “ WHAT'S IN MY EYES , I Can't SEE “.
Wobble shouted, ” you put it in there, you tell us “, which increased our laughter, i was laughing so hard i had to hold my stomach.
Bridgeman finally found the sink and then the water tap and we could hear the water flowing, so we knew he would be alright, the water would eventually wash most of the ointment out of his eyes, while he washed the ointment out of eyes he kept saying,” O my god, O my god “ over and over.
To be honest, we only intended the ointment to be under his nose to wake him up and to stop him snoring, when he rubbed it in to his eyes he opened up a whole world of entertainment and laughter for us.
He finally washed the smelly gel out of his eyes, he was in the kitchen for ages, and then he came back into the living room still looking confused.
We were to busy laughing to go and see if he needed any help, he looked at the both of us and said “ you pair of fucking twats, what the fuck was that stuff , you put into my eyes”.
Wobble answered “ you put it into your eyes, why the fuck did you do that for ”.
I replied “ it was under your nose, you rubbed it into your own eyes, and to answer your question on what it was, it was Winter Green, it's your stuff, hide it better next time “.
Bridgeman’s eyes were all red and puffy, but it did not seem to effect his eyes in any way, just made them sore for a little while.
It was very funny at the time, but thinking of much damage the ointment could have done to his vision was not even considered at the time, it was not a wise thing to do, but like I said we were surprised when he rubbed it into his eyes.
We had sunk a few pints and drinking all day does make reason go out of the window, so drinking and having winter green in the same room don’t mix. Maybe the manufacturer should put a warning on the tub, something like “ Do not drink or fall asleep with this product “, but there again at that age everyone thinks they will live forever and anything bad happens to everyone else, but I must admit I did find it very funny then and to be honest i still find it funny even today.
It is safe to say Bridgeman never fell asleep in the same room as us ever again and the WINTER GREEN was always well hidden.
Happy Days.